


HOPE

by Karl5



Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-27 19:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karl5/pseuds/Karl5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>X-Force #26<br/>Just before he dies, Kurt gives Hope a message to deliver to Logan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	HOPE

HOPE

 

Dedication: For Crow, whose story, not to mention her tireless work on the Logurt Fansite, showed me that despite Kurt’s death, there is still “So Much to Love”.

 

The man called Wolverine scared the shit out of me the first time I laid eyes on him, and it hasn’t gotten any better since then. But I knew I had to talk to him, even if he hated me for being the cause of Nightcrawler’s death.

I was still kneeling by Kurt’s side when Cyclops and Emma Frost got there. Cyclops knelt down beside me, checking Kurt for signs of life, but I knew it was useless. I’ve seen enough in my short lifetime to recognize death when I see it. 

They asked me what happened. Choking back my tears, I told them.

By the time I had finished, the other team had returned. Cable was the first to reach me, putting a hand on my shoulder and drawing me up into his arms. The first thing I did was hide my face against his broad chest, but I didn’t stay that way for long. I knew whose reaction I had to see, who would take this the hardest of all.

I looked up just in time to see Logan push his mask up off his face as Psylocke asked, “Who?”

I could tell when he recognized the dead man by the distinctive noise his blades make when they extend, even before he said “Elf” in a calm, flat tone that I expected he would use if he were announcing the end of the world. I can still see the expression on his face as shock turned to devastation, and I knew his world had indeed ended. 

Then his expression went from sorrow to teeth-clenching rage. He caught my eye for a moment, and slid his mask down over his face again, as if it would protect him from having his feelings exposed to view. A few of the other X-Men, mostly the older ones, surreptitiously cut their eyes sideways to watch him, wary of the Wolverine’s reaction. I figured they were the ones who knew the depth of his feelings for Kurt.

So intent on observing Logan was I that I never did notice who spoke next, other than that it was a woman’s voice that demanded, “Bring him back.”

I glanced down at the ground, screaming inside my head, “Don’t you think I would have done that by now if I could!?”

Instead of saying that, I fought for calm as Scott told the others I was not to blame, trying hard to keep my voice steady when I said wretchedly, “Me? Why would I be able -- How could – “

All of a sudden I couldn’t stand it anymore. Breaking free of Cable, I ran away, protesting that I couldn’t do that, couldn’t do anything, and wasn’t anybody. I heard Cable call out my name, and then he had caught up with me, stopping my headlong flight a short distance from the others. What he said was nothing I hadn’t already heard many times, that I had to live, no matter what

I wasn’t really paying attention, until Cyclops caught up to us, introducing himself as Cable’s father. By now, I was beyond surprise.

Cyclops had taken off his visor and wore his red glasses, so I could see his face for a change. Instead of the blame I expected from him, he said a few reassuring things to me and told Cable that we should both go to Sick Bay to be checked out. Then he went back to join the others.

Cable guided me gently towards the nearby buildings, angling away from where Kurt still lay. The group of people around his body began to disperse. Only Logan remained behind, as the sun sank slowly towards the ocean that surrounded the island. 

This might be my only chance. I turned to Cable. “There’s something I have to do first. Something I have to tell Logan.”

“You don’t need to go anywhere near him, Hope. He’s a dangerous man, unpredictable and violent. I saw the way he looked at you after he realized who had been killed. He’s blaming you –“

I interrupted him, something I’d never dared do before. “I know all that. But I have to talk to him. Now.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“No. This is between him and me, no one else.”

That was one of the few times I saw uncertainty on the face of the man who had always been my mentor and protector. Finally, he gave a short nod as he made up his mind. “All right. But I’ll be right here watching. Stay on the other side of Nightcrawler’s body and don’t get within reach of those blades. If he so much as makes a move toward you –“

I didn’t let him finish. “I understand.”

Looking up at Cable’s ravaged face, I smiled slightly. “Thank you.”

He blinked and nodded again, then crossed his arms as he watched me walk away.

Tentatively, I approached the rigid tableau composed of Logan standing over his fallen comrade, while I kept Kurt’s body carefully between us. I said nothing, but I was sure he had noted my approach.

Finally, he glared up at me from the shadowed mask that was his face. 

“Mr. Logan, I have something I need to tell you,” I began.

“Get out of here while you still can, little girl,” he said, his voice low and vicious. “There’s nothing you can say to me that I want to hear.”

“Yeah, there is.”

I could do this. I had to do this.

I swallowed hard and looked down at Kurt’s mangled body, seeking in my heart for the courage to continue.

 

Once again, I felt his strange three-fingered hand clutch convulsively at mine, felt the tears overflowing my eyes, and saw that hideous arm transfixing his body, with the blood seeping out all around it.

Kurt drew in a breath and his glowing eyes fixed on mine. I leaned closer to hear the words he struggled to say. “Worth it. I – I believe in you.”

He sucked in another rasping breath, grimacing at the pain. From the desperate look on his face, I knew there was something more he wanted to say. With much effort, he managed to get out another sentence just before that eerie light that always filled his eyes faded into darkness and his hand relaxed in mine. I knew those last words were meant only for one man’s ears and not for anyone else’s.

 

I looked up, meeting the rage on the Wolverine’s face with a determined expression of my own.

“Mr. Logan, with his last breath, Kurt said, ‘Tell Logan my love for him will never die’.”

The man’s blue eyes went wide. He raised his face and punched his claws upward above his head as if he wanted to skewer the setting sun, a howl rising from his lips such as I hope never to hear again in my life. Then he leaned down to Kurt’s body and grabbed Bastion’s arm. Bracing a foot against the dead man’s chest, he wrenched the arm free, tossing it away into the ocean accompanied by some of the foulest curses I would ever be likely to hear.

The fearsome Wolverine ripped his mask off and fell to the ground. The blades retracted as he reached to cradle Kurt against his chest, bowing his head and sobbing now with the raw and painful sound of a grown man who was not accustomed to crying.

My message delivered, I turned away, leaving him there alone to mourn for his lost lover.

PART TWO: LAST RESPECTS

 

 

LAST RESPECTS

 

 

Elf, darlin’, I’m standing here alone beside your body. The others have all gone about their business. I know you’re dead, and I don’t think the dead can hear the living, much less read their minds, but I’m gonna tell you this anyway, just in case. I love you. 

 

OK, you knew that already, didn’t you?

 

I don’t know how I’m gonna go on without you. But you knew that too. 

 

What I really want to tell you is something else, something I didn’t have a chance to say before you died. After I killed that purifier, you were so pissed off that you wanted to quit the X-Men. And I know you were hurt that I had kept all that stuff about X-Force from you. I’m sorry, Kurt. I should have known better. If I had told you about it sooner, we might have had time to deal with it, maybe worked something out. What’s eating me up inside is that you died disappointed and angry with me, and now I can’t fix things up between us. It’s too late. It’s just too damned late!

 

But I’ve been thinkin’ about it. You were right, darlin’. I had no good reason to kill that man, other than perhaps to back up Laura’s killing of the other purifier. He was no further threat to us. As for Laura, I’m gonna get her out of all this as soon as I can. She’s just a kid. She doesn’t belong in X-Force. I’ll try to show her some other kind of life, Elf, I swear I will. I know I can’t turn her into a sweet young thing. It’s too late for that, and besides, she’s too much like me. But I can give her a chance. After that, it’s up to her.

 

But you and me, we’ve run out of chances, haven’t we?

 

I say again, darlin’, I was wrong. I was gonna tell you just as soon as we both got back to Utopia, but that’s not an option anymore. Even if this is a war, as I believe it is, that doesn’t justify unnecessary killing. Sure, there are people out there who need killin’, but they’re few and far between. Those purifiers were only pawns. Sure, they had attacked us. But the attack was over and the danger was past. They were nothing but unarmed prisoners who refused to talk. If you or I were in their place, we might well have refused to talk also, and even claimed that we knew nothing. Just because X-Force can kill, it doesn’t mean we have to kill without a purpose.

 

I promise I won’t do it again, Elf. Next time, I’ll stop and I’ll think, because of you. I remember a long time ago, when I told you that I don’t use unnecessary force. I meet fists with fists. Only if someone attacks me or mine with lethal force will I use my claws. And I remember exactly how you replied. “I understand, Logan. What you say is reasonable, logical, justifiable. But does that make it right?”

 

I couldn’t answer you then, and I can’t answer you now. Sometimes there are no answers.

 

Anyway, that discussion has haunted me ever since. And maybe sometimes I haven’t even lived up to my own words, much less yours. But I didn’t get to tell you that. We had no chance to make things right between us, the way we always used to do. For all I know, you went to your death not loving me anymore. Next to the fact that I’ll never see you again, never hold you in my arms and make love to you again, that’s what hurts so badly now.

 

Everyone else takes one look at me and thinks I’m absolutely furious about your death. Well, I am. But if you were here, you’d see right through the rage, wouldn’t you? You’d know how much I was hurting, and how the rage is just covering that up.

 

Aw shit, here comes that damn girl that you died to save! Hasn’t she done enough damage? What the fuck does she want from me now? I suppose you’d tell me it’s not really fair to blame her for what happened to you, wouldn’t ya? OK, I’ll try to keep my temper under control, even though I’d like nothing better than to skewer her with my claws. She’s pretty damn brave to be approachin’ me now. I can smell her terror as I glare at her in an effort to make her just go away. 

 

“Mr. Logan, I have something I need to tell you,” she says, her voice only quavering a little.

 

“Get out of here while you still can, little girl,” I reply. “There’s nothing you can say to me that I want to hear.”

 

“Yeah, there is.”

 

Her fear mounts higher, but she stands her ground, only glancing down for a moment at the body lying between us. What can she possibly have to say that’s important enough to her to disturb me now?

 

Whatever it is, she has evidently gathered up the courage to say it.

 

“Mr. Logan, with his last breath, Kurt said, ‘Tell Logan my love for him will never die’.”

 

Her words break me apart. My claws extend reflexively. I want to strike something, shred it to pieces, destroy it utterly. But there is nothing to destroy. All I can do is raise my arms above my head as if to tear at fate, or God, or whatever it is that runs the universe, howling my sorrow to the setting sun.

 

Then I look down at your body once again, and see that hideous arm still reaching out from your chest. There! That can be my target. I don’t know why no one hasn’t done this sooner, but I’m gonna do it now. I plant my foot against your chest and wrench the arm free. I know it can’t hurt you anymore, darlin’, but I can take out some of my rage on this small piece of Bastion that I can reach. Cursing viciously, I toss the arm out over the rocks and into the ocean.

 

I rip off the mask that has served to conceal my face and my feelings long enough. I go down on my knees, retracting the blades in order to take your body into my arms, holding you against my chest as I so often did while you were alive. Oblivious to the presence of the girl, I begin to sob.

 

You knew how I’d feel, didn’t ya, Elf? That’s why you gave her that message. With your dying breath, you thought of me.

 

A quiet shuffle of feet reminds me that she has turned and is walking away. I look up at her retreating back and struggle to choke out a few words. “Thank you, Hope.” I don’t know if she hears me or not, but she keeps on going.

 

I’m gonna sit here with you, Elf, until they come to take your body away. Then I’m gonna help carry your coffin to your funeral pyre. There’s not many folks who know we were lovers. Maybe that’s just as well, under the circumstances. Don’t think I could stand to hear their condolences. So I’ll act as usual, like we were only best friends, and leave it at that. But in my head, I’ll know the truth. And I’ll know that you died still lovin’ me. Rest in peace, darlin’. And if you’re right, and there really is a Heaven, try to get permission to come visit me now and then in Hell, will ya? I’ll be lookin’ for ya.

 

MY LOGURT STORIES  
STORY ARC – Movieverse   
In the Beginning . . .   
After X-2, Kurt is considering what to do next. My slant on how he gets involved in the climax of X-3, then finds himself attracted to Logan despite his own religious issues. They take a very interesting vacation on Cape Cod, in order to spend time together and try to resolve what they want from each other, if anything.   
Please note that this story contains many links to real places on the Cape, but the links don’t always work reliably, so if you want to see them, you may need to copy/paste the URLs.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600091204&chapter=1   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1040785 

Morning Devotions  
It’s almost 2 years after the Battle of the Golden Gate Bridge. In addition to being an X-Man, Kurt has recently begun teaching classes at the School.   
Please note that this is the original short prologue for this entire story arc, which was written long before “In the Beginning” was even imagined. While the prologue is rather tame as far as sex is concerned, the succeeding stories will more than make up for this lack. Each story can be read alone, but they are better in order. See the AO3 version of Something a Little Different, which includes Morning Devotions as a prolog.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090821 

Something a Little Different  
When Logan wakes Kurt up in the middle of the night, Kurt just figures he wants the usual sex. But tonight, Logan wants something a little different.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090822   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1040865   
(AO3 is the combined version of Morning Devotions and this story)

As the Twig is Bent  
Wie der Zweig gebogen wird , so wächst der Baum. As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.   
And Herr Grüber has long-range plans for the resulting tree.   
Logan pushes Kurt into revealing some of the dark secrets of his childhood.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090851   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1040877 

PRAY FOR US SINNERS  
More secrets, from both Kurt’s past and Logan’s present.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090852   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1040902 

With Nothing on My Tongue  
Logan is off somewhere trying to decide what direction he wants his life to take, while Kurt waits anxiously for his return. After several months pass, he is almost ready to give up hope.   
Two very different women help him get through this difficult time, each in her own inimitable way.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090873   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1040920 

You Win, Elf  
Logan returns to tell Kurt of his decision.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090894   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1040930 

Hell Hath No Fury  
Someone from Logan’s past appears – and that someone plans to take revenge on the one who scorned him .  
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090950   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1040948 

 

  
TWO SHORT STORIES WHICH COULD BE EITHER COMIC OR MOVIEVERSE

Let’s Pretend  
Just about any time after Kurt and Logan have been together for a while.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090964   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/965765 

 

Happy Birthday, Elf!  
On a certain day in November, Kurt receives a very special present. Just a bit of fluff. No Sex.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600091000   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/989660 

 

  
COMICVERSE – Single stories that fit into X-Men comic issues. If you haven’t read the comic referenced after each title, the story may not make much sense to you.

HOPE X-Force #36   
Just before he dies, Kurt gives Hope a message to deliver to Logan.  
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090809   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/982644 

Revenge! Wolverine #15  
While Logan climbs the mountain to jump off yet again, he is visited by Kurt’s spirit.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090949   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/982648 

 

To Walk Away from Paradise Amazing X-Men: Quest for Nightcrawler #1-5 At the end of this series, we left Kurt sitting on the roof agonizing about having lost his soul. What if Logan didn’t leave him there alone after all? (If you haven’t read my Kurt Darkholme series, some of the references to past happenings in this story may be confusing.)  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1856817 

 

The Monster Ultimate X-Men Annual #2  
After Rogue tells a supposedly unconscious Kurt that he is truly a monster, Logan tries his best to convince him otherwise..   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090893   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/981587 

 

The Best You Can Hope For Astonishing X-Men # 44-47 & 59-61, X-treme X-Men # 1-13, Age of Apocalypse # 13 & 14, and X-Termination # 1+2  
James Howlett tells about his relationship with young Kurt Waggoner. As he tries to teach the boy what it means to be a hero, young Kurt has a lesson to teach him in return.   
No sex.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600091203   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/979462 

COMICVERSE  
KURT DARKHOLME STORY ARC   
Der Doppelgänger Set between Uncanny X-Force #23 and #24  
Kurt Darkholme and Logan end up in bed together.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090999   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1091062 

 

Of Angry Elves and Mouthy Mercenaries Set several days after Bobby’s death in UXF #24, and prior to what happened in Deadpool #50-54. Also prior to Betsy and Fantomex’s departure from X-Force in #25.  
Kurt Darkholme and Wade Wilson get to know each other better, among other activities. 

http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600091017   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1091097 

 

Hinter Meine Masken (Behind My Masks) Takes place sometime after UXF-26 when they have a night free.  
Logan, Kurt Darkholme, and Deadpool deepen their involvement with each other.   
http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600091081   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1091306 

 

Vengeance Is Mine Uncanny X-Force #32-34  
After Kurt Darkholme betrays X-Force, he faces a private reckoning of his own . 

 

http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600091156   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1091373 

 

Say Very Softly After Astonishing X-Men #59  
Kurt Darkholme and Deadpool have one last fling. 

http://xmen.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600091183   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1091440 

 

The Only Thing   
Set after the end of the X-Termination story arc  
What if Kurt Darkholme survives? 

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091259   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1091522

**Author's Note:**

> For any of my readers who enjoy stories involving male/male sex in general, I’ve started a series of ebooks on Amazon that is not fanfiction. It doesn’t involve Logan, Kurt, or any other superheroes, but my two main characters are heroes of a more everyday kind, each in his own way. You can find out more about it at: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00J75NJIE and http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00M0CZM3G


End file.
